January 21, 2008
1:52 pm
So, I do feel a bit cheated... even though we had a great time, John and I only had a good "half" weekend (or a good Saturday)-- OK, let me explain: John got back from Canada on Thursday, worked all day Friday and left for China on Sunday, so I only had a good Saturday or 1/2 weekend with him! Even though I just saw him yesterday, it feels to me like he's been away for-ever.
RANDOM EVENTS:
1. On Saturday, I got a call from a pretty charactery psychologist who managed to get me an appointment with another therapist for later today which means that yes, she is charactery but 'all right' in my book.
2. I dropped John off at the gym and then I went to Target to buy a pair of size XXL sweat pants bc NONE of my clothes, including my size "L" pants don't fit me anymore. While in the store I got my baby's crib set, matching blankets and matching boxes in the same colors that we want to paint her room (pink, brown and ivory). Crazy randomness: In stores, I'll take the little motorized cars to minimize my walking and boy, do I feel silly!
3. John was determined that I had a good day on Saturday so he took me to watch "27 Dresses" and then to have appetizers at Friday's. We had so much fun, like we always do, and my husband made sure that I was having a happy night or, at a minimum, an anxiety controlled night, a goal that he successfully managed to accomplish.
4. On Sunday at 4:30AM John left to go to the airport. When he left I cried for an hour, thinking of how much I'll miss him and afraid that something bad would happen to him while he's away. (So the circumstances change and I end up projecting my insecuring upon that new circumstance, so now my terrible fear is that his plane will crash...) At around 6AM I heard noises downstairs so my sick mind immediately thought that it was the police coming over to tell me that my husband's plane had crashed and that he had died. Well, a short while later, the bedroom door opens which made me so scared I thought I'd die. John walks into our room, because, no, he hadn't died, but his early flight was canceled so he came home to spend a couple of hours with me.
5. John laid next to me and only then I was finally able to go back to sleep. We cuddled for a long time and right before the alarm went off, I woke him up to give him a "proper" goodbye. It was, as it always is, the most magical time with my husband.
John then got ready and left again for the airport to catch his later flight. Only that this time, instead of tears, he left me with his smell, a huge smile on my face, reassurance that, near or far, he makes me the happiest woman in the world and with the thought that while we have each other, I don't ever, never, ever need to be scared.
1:52 pm
So, I do feel a bit cheated... even though we had a great time, John and I only had a good "half" weekend (or a good Saturday)-- OK, let me explain: John got back from Canada on Thursday, worked all day Friday and left for China on Sunday, so I only had a good Saturday or 1/2 weekend with him! Even though I just saw him yesterday, it feels to me like he's been away for-ever.
RANDOM EVENTS:
1. On Saturday, I got a call from a pretty charactery psychologist who managed to get me an appointment with another therapist for later today which means that yes, she is charactery but 'all right' in my book.
2. I dropped John off at the gym and then I went to Target to buy a pair of size XXL sweat pants bc NONE of my clothes, including my size "L" pants don't fit me anymore. While in the store I got my baby's crib set, matching blankets and matching boxes in the same colors that we want to paint her room (pink, brown and ivory). Crazy randomness: In stores, I'll take the little motorized cars to minimize my walking and boy, do I feel silly!
3. John was determined that I had a good day on Saturday so he took me to watch "27 Dresses" and then to have appetizers at Friday's. We had so much fun, like we always do, and my husband made sure that I was having a happy night or, at a minimum, an anxiety controlled night, a goal that he successfully managed to accomplish.
4. On Sunday at 4:30AM John left to go to the airport. When he left I cried for an hour, thinking of how much I'll miss him and afraid that something bad would happen to him while he's away. (So the circumstances change and I end up projecting my insecuring upon that new circumstance, so now my terrible fear is that his plane will crash...) At around 6AM I heard noises downstairs so my sick mind immediately thought that it was the police coming over to tell me that my husband's plane had crashed and that he had died. Well, a short while later, the bedroom door opens which made me so scared I thought I'd die. John walks into our room, because, no, he hadn't died, but his early flight was canceled so he came home to spend a couple of hours with me.
5. John laid next to me and only then I was finally able to go back to sleep. We cuddled for a long time and right before the alarm went off, I woke him up to give him a "proper" goodbye. It was, as it always is, the most magical time with my husband.
John then got ready and left again for the airport to catch his later flight. Only that this time, instead of tears, he left me with his smell, a huge smile on my face, reassurance that, near or far, he makes me the happiest woman in the world and with the thought that while we have each other, I don't ever, never, ever need to be scared.
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