Level 2 Ultrasound - The day After

January 10, 2008
6:13 pm

Why am I a wreck? (Well, I am a wreck for many reasons, but episodes like the one I will talk about don't help me at all!) Because even after we had what is considered a great ultrasound, the baby looks great, she didn't show any "soft markers" and the doctor now reduced our chances of having a baby with abnormalities from 1:1400 to 1:2800, the OB, who knows that I've even been offered MEDICATION to ease my depression, said to me: well, OF COURSE these screening tests don't mean much in terms to giving you any guarantees, that is because the only way for you to know for sure that your baby is OK is by undergoing an amniocentesis or waiting until your baby is born. Okay, at that point I thought to myself - so why did I bother coming here and having this u/s? I u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d that of course those tests are merely screening tests and that they are not diagnostic and that of course, on a rational level, I understand all that. But what I really needed to hear from that doctor was that we are OK, that our baby girl is OK, that I can now go ahead and enjoy our pregnancy as opposed to what I actually heard, which was that those tests could be wrong…

Furthermore, why are there so many medical professionals out there against the amnio and why do doctors tell you to do the screening tests 1st and only after decide if you want to go ahead with the amnio (and I know, of course, that many people can and do elect to bypass screening tests and go right to amnio) -- Could it be because the amnio has a 0.5% chance of causing a miscarriage?!!! Gosh! Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh. Anyway, I spent the day today at home, working, and yet AGAIN today I didn't study, (cuz I'm still very unmotivated to do so), but overall I really did have an OK day (which in my book means: not overly obsessing in a bad, bad way over my daughter and it means no crying - except for when I watched "A Baby Story" on TV and saw the successful birth of a couple of beautiful babies - but even so, that was "good crying"!!!). I caught myself watching my baby's ultrasound pictures and smiling away AND my husband came home at lunchtime and we sat together and talked for 30' - a very rare occasion - at which point he said to me: you know, now that you've been staying home, I should be coming home at lunchtime more often to see you. My definition of a GREAT day, actually! In reality, if John will really be able to come home at lunchtime, God only knows, (even though I know he honestly has every intention to, but I also know how crazy work can get so I kinda doubt that he'll be able to, at least as much as he wants to), but it doesn't matter. I SO cherished my time with John today and I was very thankful for that time too.
And, the truth is that it is moments like these that I think that no matter how our baby turns out to be, she is a product of the most beautiful love story of John and I and she'll be so lovely, as well as wanted, loved and thoroughly cherished during every second of our lives.