Blessed

She is peacefully sleeping next to me.
As I look at her little body,
she is so perfect, so beautiful...
I can't believe the how lucky I am
to have been blessed with
Giulia.

Gi's new toy

Daycare

I’ve been struggling with the idea of going back to work since the day that Giulia was born. Initially, just the thought of leaving her with someone other that my husband, a trusted family member or me would bring me to tears: what would go through my mind is that nobody would be as patient or know the little things about her, like lifting her legs to alleviate her gas cramps to make her feel better. I mean, who would do that besides us?!?

Now 49 days later, she has changed so much, and, with each change, I develop a completely new anxiety, which one way or another goes back to my not caring for her full-time. That said, I have also been changing, in that now, generally speaking, I am mildly more relaxed when it comes to Giulia. For instance, just last week, while in the car, Gi was cranky and exhausted, so on our way back to our house, she started to cry/scream. I talked to and comforted her and even though she continued to cry, I went ahead and resumed my conversation with John, who stopped mid-sentence to point out that had that happened a month ago, I would have freaked out and made him pull over so that I could sit next to her to try and have her stop crying. Moreover, I can now let her sleep without sticking my finger under her nose to make sure that she’s breathing. I can hear her cry when she has gas cramps and help her get some relief without crying also. I can have fun while I bathe her. I guess I feel marginally more secure and a bit more comfortable about being a mom.

My mind is in turmoil: it would make much more sense for us if I went back to work, but the thought of leaving her under someone else’s care is killing me. I’ve debated over asking my boss to go part-time or asking for a flexible work arrangement upon returning to work, but I started it with telling my boss that I would take the entire 16 weeks of FMLA, which, considering how important my job was for me, was a huge step. Now, more than ever, it is imperative that I learn to focus on today rather than obsessing over the future.

Now, the one thing that hasn’t changed is my overwhelming love for my daughter. I trust that God will give me whatever I need to feel better about this whole thing and the tools to be a wonderful mom, even if she ends up in daycare, full-time.

New York, New York

Yesterday, John, Giulia and I went to NYC to get Giulia's Brazilian passport. A menina esta totalmente documentada! We can now go to Brazil and I am extremely excited that we'll soon have both Gi's passports.

On a side note, it was such a nice day with my husband and our daughter. We had a blast together. I just love our family...

Cry Baby

Newsletter: Month One

Giulia,

On May 30th, you turned four weeks old. I can’t believe how you’ve changed in the past month. You now coo and you make the funniest faces and sounds when you are lying in your bassinette, nursing or when you see something that interests you, like when you see the colorful butterfly I hung on your car seat, which seems to distract you from the fact that, no, your dad and I are not holding you in our arms or carrying you around in your Snuggly.

Speaking of that, you have made it very clear to us, in the past couple of weeks that you want to be held all the time. It doesn’t matter if we are home, shopping at CVS or having dinner at Ruby Tuesdays: you want to be held, always. You can now see our faces and you recognize our voices and we are able to calm you down when we talk close to your face. You have also begun to smile. Giulia you have the most beautiful smile in the world and your dad and I live for those smiles.

You love car rides. You love going on walks. You love lying on your belly. You love taking baths. I was so nervous when your grandma Rita left to return to her home in Brazil, and I had to give you a bath all by myself, especially considering that you had liked it so much when your vovó Rita gave you a bath (while I stood there watching how much you were enjoying it all). Well, despite my fears, I did give you a bath, and luckily, you spent the entire time having fun while I spent it crying, not only because I was actually ‘doing it’, but also because I was missing my mom, who had helped me so much during your 1st month of life. Your baths have now become one of our super fun things that we do together.

You have quickly become our little sunshine and you so have your dad and I wrapped around your little fingers. Like, yesterday, your dad skipped golf to come home and hang with you. He then changed out of his black T-shirt to a white one because he is convinced that you don't like the color black. And even though we tell you every 2 seconds how beautiful you are and how much we love you, it is just not enough to express how we really feel. You are lovely, amazing and the best gift that God could have ever given us and we are so thankful to have you in our lives.

These days that I have had the privilege of spending with you have been the best days of my life. I have loved every single second that we’ve spent together and I look forward to the days ahead when I’ll be discovering more little nuances of you. I love you so, so much.

Mamãe

Stats:

Birth / Nascimento:
Length / Comprimento: 20 inches / 50.8 cm
Weight / Peso: 8.6 pounds / 3.91 kg
Head Circumference:

6 days / 6 dias:
Length / Comprimento: 20.5 in / 52.7 cm
Weight / Peso: 7.15lbs / 3.25 kg
Head Circumference: 35

1 month / 1 mes:
Length / Comprimento: 22.5 in / 57.15cm (90%)
Peso: 10.6 lb / 4.82 kg (95%)
Head Circumference: 37